Pet Woes
by Jennie
Summary: Matt learns the hard way that pet shops and kids don't mix. Some ME, and complete fluff.


**Title:** Pet Woes

**Author:** Jennie

**Rating:** PG/K+

**Characters: **Matt, Emily, an OC

**Disclaimer:** Not mine. _Standoff_ and everything associated with it does not belong to me, but to Fox Studios and I am merely borrowing the characters for my own entertainment purposes- and will be making no money off of them.

**Warnings:** None, except maybe an abundance of fluff.

**Summary: **Matt learns the hard way that kids and pet shops don't mix.

**AN:** I have several **Standoff **fic ideas, but I'm having trouble getting them down. _Sigh_. So I've been watching the four eps of Standoff over and over again, to get my muse going, and thought of this fic, and couldn't resist. Blame it on my brother clamoring for another pet. This is pure fluff- fluff that I'm horrified to post, because I am anything _but_ a fluffy writer... but it's the one **Standoff** fic I could get down- at least at 3 am, when I wrote it (also blame said fluffiness on that) so I hope you enjoy it and any feedback would be great.

**Pet Woes**

He really should have known better.

You just _don't_ bet with Emily, unless you happen to feel like getting trounced. But, well, he had been slightly drunk and she looked so _hot_, and everyone else was cheering them on- so he threw in the rest of the cash he had on him into the pot, downed his shot and pulled the next card of the game- a slightly (all right, a _very_) adult version of some kids' game he didn't get the name of, but pretty much consisted of drawing cards and doing what's on them.

Then he saw what was on the card and knew that he was sunk.

He just _had_ to draw one of the 'knowledge' cards- and he had no freaking clue about the succession of Russian Czars in the late eighteenth century.

And Emily did.

Why in hell couldn't he have gotten one of the cards where you have to describe a sexual fantasy to the table, or full out french kiss the person on his left (Frank)? _Anything_ would have been better than getting a question that played right into her eager hands. He misses this, she gets to ask one request of him. And while early on in their relationship, he would have relished the idea, because it would have undoubtedly been _lots_ of fun, lately, she had been more...devious. And while normally, he found it hot as hell, it wasn't so fun to be on the receiving side.

Why, oh _why_ did she go through that Russian history phase when she was pregnant?

"So, what's the question?" Damn Frank.

"Yeah, Matt, you going to answer, or do I get the question?" Emily smiled at him, and he could have sworn she was taunting him.

He cleared his throat and summoned his dignity. "Name the Russian Czars after Peter the Great declared himself Emperor in 1724."

Everyone hooted. It was quite obvious that he had no chance- and everyone knew that.

And _damn_, did Emily look frightening at that moment. He ignored her as she prattled off the answer- right, of course- instead concentrating on what fate he would meet after learning her request.

She didn't disappoint, as she turned to him and smirked. "My request is this- you take Cate to the pet store to pick out her pet that she's been obsessing over the last few weeks."

_Damn_.

Double damn.

Double damn in a hell fire, because she had gotten him to do the one task they had both been dreading and putting off for weeks- ever since they had jokingly told Caitlyn that she could have a pet if she managed to miraculously learn how to ride a bike in the space of a weekend while they were both in the field up north. But she had done it, with the help of the neighbor kids, and was now clamoring for her pet.

He was never making _that_ mistake again.

And as the entire group laughed uproariously, he could only sit there, through their geers and jokes and insults, his heart sinking more and more.

He was _never_ going to live this down.

...A...

"You're still taking her," she said, snuggling close to him the next morning, as the alarm went off. Apparently, his plans of...distracting her didn't work.

"You're evil," he said into her hair.

"I know." And in a flash, she's out of bed, pulling on some clothes to lounge away the day in. It's a beautiful Saturday and both of them have the day off, and while he had been planning on suggesting going to the park, or up in the Santa Monica mountains- somewhere where they could appreciate the day and have some semi-alone time while Cate was otherwise occupied, the pet store visit was definitely putting a damper on that- and Emily wasn't budging. "You made the bet, you played the game, you end up with the consequences."

"Yeah, well," he grumbled, rolling into his pillow. "I thought you'd be _kinder_ than to shove _this_ on me. It's cruel, Em- it's really, really cruel."

"Tough luck," was all she said, as she practically flounced out of the room. "I'm going to tell Cate."

And, sure enough, when he finally forced himself to get up, get ready and get breakfast, Caitlyn was practically bouncing in her chair. She had a bowl of soggy cheerios in front of her, no doubt forgotten after hearing her good news. "Morning, Cate," he mumbled, grabbing his own bowl of cereal.

"Mom says we're getting my pet today!" The six year-old jumped out of her chair. "Let's go now!"

Oh brother.

"Um, see, first I need to swing by headquarters, because I left my cell phone in my desk-"

"Your cell phone is charging right over there." Emily walked into the kitchen, interrupting his excuse and pointed towards the phone, while balancing a basket of laundry. "Don't worry, Catie. Daddy _promised_ he'd get you that pet today and he _wouldn't dare put it off, because he wouldn't want to anger Mommy now, _would_ he?_"

She cast a glare in his direction, the threat glinting in her eye. And boy, did he know how horrible her threats could get.

"Of course not," and he flashed her his most winning smile.

It didn't work.

Not that he really expected it to, but still...he would have liked her to be at least a teeny bit affected. "Cool! Let's go!" Caitlyn's enthusiasm brought his mind back into focus.

"Let him at least finish up his food," Emily graciously allowed. "But as soon as he's finished, you guys can go."

"I'm finished." He shoved back the half-eaten bowl. Best to get it over with. After all...how hard could it be? Get in, get some animal, get out. Maybe they'd be finished by mid morning- or at least by lunch. Then they could come back home and do something _fun_ the rest of the day. "Let's go, kiddo."

"Yay!" Was Catie's response.

"Don't you dare come back, Flannery, until you have a pet!" Was Emily's, as the two of them headed out the door.

What a loving and trusting woman Emily was.

...A...

All right, he could handle this. He was a crisis negotiator after all- his job consisted of dealing with highly tensed and emotionally triggered criminals. And all he had to do in this situation was negoiate with a little girl, about how getting a...weird thing that looked like a cross between a monkey and a cat, with some rodent mixed in, was not the best idea.

"But I _want_ him, Daddy!"

"It's a _her_, sweetie, and you can't get this..." he stared at the label on the cage- what the hell _was _a kinkajou? "...kinkagou. I don't even know what it really _is_."

"But Mommy said-"

The problem with negoiating with a six year-old girl, was that six year-old girls aren't going to listen to reason at all- and throw their mother's words back in your face.

"But Mommy meant something like a cat, or a bird, or- hey, what about getting a fish, Catie?" He tried to reason. "Fish are cool."

"Fish are dumb." Okay, so he'd give her that. But he wasn't getting her a Kingjo- or Kinko- or whatever it was.

"So...what about a cat?"

"Dunno. Maggy next door to Grandma's has a cat, and I don't like her cat. It scratches and it bites and it's really mean."

"But not _all_ cats are like hers, princess. And I'm sure you can find a nice one at the pet adoption event going on now." What luck that the pet store's monthly pet-adoption spree was today. All he had to do was show her some cats- _nice_ cats- and distract her and she'd forget that...monkey/cat/whatever mix from the amazon. He glanced at the card again. Okay, so it was in the same family as pandas and racoons...and that fact alone was enough for him to completely make up his mind.

Though a part of him did wonder what Emily would do if he came home with one. After all, technically, it _was_ a pet...

"But I don't want a cat, Dad." Uh oh, bringing out the 'Dad'. This little girl was _not_ happy now. "I want _this_ kitty."

"But _this_...kitty isn't even a kitty, Caitlyn. It's a wild animal, and takes up a huge amount of space, and is noctournal and you can't really pet it or play with it or do anything with it. What about a bird instead?"

"Birds are boring. They're even worse than fish, because they're loud."

This was getting tiring. They had been at the store for hours already- and she wasn't budging from that ridiculous animal. He had half a mind to tell her 'pick something else or we're going home'- but Emily's threat was hanging above him. He didn't dare return without _something_- even if that something was some little feeder goldfish.

Actually, he'd prefer the goldfish. Fish, while pretty dumb, were at least easy maintance.

"Look, Caitlyn. You are _not_ getting this...kinkajou and that's final. Pick something else."

"No."

"Caitlyn..." He warned, getting stern with her. "A pet is a privledge and if you can't be old enough to pick out a proper pet, then you can't have one at all."

"I _did_ pick out a proper pet." She frowned at him, her hands on her hips. Lord, she looked like a little Emily then. "We're in a pet store- which means it's a pet."

"But it's really just a wild animal, not a pet. When your mother and I said you could get a pet, we meant something along the lines of...a bunny. Or a mouse or a gerbil or a cat or a fish or whatever you think of, when someone says 'pet'- not something from the rainforest."

"But I want it."

"And I said no." He finally played the last card. "Caitlyn, if you don't pick a pet now, we're going home. You can have anything- just not this one- or any other animal that's originally wild and really isn't considered a pet," he quickly added, worried that she'd pick some other strange thing he'd never heard of next.

"Anything?" She asked, frowning.

"Anything in reason," he confirmed. "Cat, mouse, rat, hamster, fish- you could even get a frog or a snake or lizard, for what I care. Just something at least semi-normal."

And then he saw the look on her face, and instantly realized his mistake. With his luck, she'd ask for the most expensive, most time-consumming iguana at the shop.

Until she led him outside to the pet adoptions, and he saw her true wish.

"I want _him_, Daddy, pretty please? You said I could have any pet I wanted and he's a really nice pet, isn't he?"

Caitlyn had thrown her arms around the neck of what Matt could only guess was part horse, from the massive size of the thing.

"Oh, how nice." One of the helpers came over, smiling. "This guy here's part great dane, part labrador and part newfoundland, from what we can tell. But don't worry about his size, sir- he's really just a loveable puppy. We just rescued him this week, and it would be great to see him adopted so soon."

A dog.

A _dog_.

Emily had set him up, so he'd come home with a _dog_ of all things.

But before he could protest- he already knew by the look on Catie's face that it was useless.

He had promised her any normal pet- and he had to get this...thing for her now. Because as much as he hated to admit it- a dog, even the giant thing his daughter had her arms around, was officially one of the most mudane forms of a pet.

He was so going to get Emily after this.

...A...

"We're home!"

He opened the front door and peered inside. Emily's car was still there, as well as his baby- the BMW convertible he had had since his old one got blown up by the two bank-robbers- so he knew that she should be home. _Probably taking a nap, or a bath, or doing something 'relaxing'..._ He rolled his eyes at the thought of her peaceful morning. Arms laden with dog food and other doggy supplies, he strode into the kitchen. "Come in, Cate, and bring...him in as well."

"Her, Daddy, and I named her Chloe."

Chloe. Chloe the moster dog...yeah. He couldn't really see it, but officially it _was_ Caitlyn's dog- _she _was Caitlyn's job.

He watched her bring on the massive puppy on her new leash and collar, pointing out things like "that's the living room, see that couch? Daddy likes to lay on that couch and watch movies with Mommy there, and I get to sit on the floor with popcorn and my own princess blanket". Cute, actually, when he ignored the fact that the 'person' she was introducing everything to happened to be his least favorite kind of animal.

"Oh, Matt, you're home now..." Emily descended the stairs while Cate was still in the living room, effectively blocking the view of her new pet. "How'd it go?"

"Oh great," he replied shrugging off his jacket and hanging it up. "It took me forever to convince her that this weird animal from the rainforests was not coming home with us. But then she came up with probably the most normal kind of pet you can get." He glared at her. "And I had to lug the thing home. I tell you, Em- this is the _last_ time I go pet shopping with her. It's worse than a bank robber with a bank full of hostages."

"I know," she smirked. "So, what- she brought home a cat?" Peering into the living room, Emily called for her. "Come here, Catie, and let me see what you- oh my God..."

She froze, staring at the dog on the end of the leash. Matt braced himself for yelling- neither of them had even considered bringing home a dog, what with his feverent...awareness and dislike of them. Knowing Emily, this was not going to be fun.

And then she burst out laughing.

"Well, thanks, Emily, for your wonderful support while buying our daughter her pet of choice, and afterwards too. Because I never could have done it without you," he commented, crossing his arms and glaring.

It took her five minutes to get ahold of herself, and send Cate outside with Chloe. Shaking her head, she turned to Matt again, an amused smile on her face. "I'm surprised at you."

"Gee, thanks."

"No, really." She reached out, putting her hand on his shoulder, stopping him from leaving. "I'm pretty proud, too, that you could bring home a dog, when we both know how much you loathe them." She took a few steps closer, leaning against him now. "You're a great father, Matt- and a wonderful husband too."

"Flattery will get you no where," he grumbled, though he could feel his resolve crumbling. Damn the way she could always do this.

"No," she agreed, stepping around to his front. "But I'm still very impressed, and I promise that I'll make Caitlyn do most of the doggy things and I'll take care of the stuff she's too young to do. You just have to...accept a dog in your home. You think you can do that?" She asked, running a hand underneath the hem of his shirt.

He stopped her hand, cradling it in his. "I think I can do that," he admitted, pulling her closer.

"Oh," she said, "I definitely think you can do that- it's only one dog, one that you'll end up knowing very well. And," she added, squeezing his hand and leaning close to his ear, "I think I have some incentive- and reward- for your actions today..."

And after hearing her proposal, he had to agree.

Maybe having a dog around wouldn't be so bad, after all...


End file.
